Episode 3 Private Confessional

The departures of Brandon and Richard were shocking. Both of them. How did they get executed over people like Beth, Elise and Kyle? Richard had a coalition with me, but I trusted very little of what he told me, because I thought there was a very good chance that he was The Mole. It's funny how now I go back to reading past conversations with him, and I now look at everything he said so much less skeptically. Brandon. Sigh. There are so many annoying people left in this game, and you had to be the one to go. I really shouldn't complain, because from the things Brandon said, it seemed like he suspected me of being The Mole, so if he got executed as a result of that, I should see it as a strategic achievement and move on. I just, ugh, I know you're not supposed to let emotions get in the way, but I certainly would've PREFERRED someone I don't like to get executed for thinking I'm The Mole, rather than Brandon. What I said in my public confessional is true – I really do hope he comes to the reunion and that I get a chance to catch up with him. Such a good guy.

It's funny how people viewed the interface as being so cruel because of forcing you to leave your name till the end. I mean, it IS cruel, lol, but it actually worked out okay for me, because I was PLANNING beforehand to check everyone's name before my own, anyway. If I check everyone and I see that they're all safe, I don't even have to check mine. I can just close the window, log off my computer, and go eat ice cream or whatever. :( I bet that now you'll make a special interface for me just so that I'm forced to type in my name, haha. What was TERRIBLE, though, was that in the process of checking everyone's name before mine, I actually went BACKWARDS. So, I started with Beth, and I was like "ugh, useless person is safe yet again", then Paul no surprise, Kyle "WTF he got a -2 and is safe, ugh, I'm screwed," then Brian no surprise, then Elise bleh, then Brandon "UGH!" (though I didn't have much time to lament his execution because I was still concerned for my safety), then Blaise no surprise, then Breaux "oh shit, I'm screwed," and I then see Ginger is safe as well, and I'm pretty sure I'm leaving by now. In my wisdom, I change things up and I go to the top of the list and check Mitch, and once I see he's safe, I already know I'm gone, so I click on Richard very quickly because what the hell, it's over already, and then BOOM, Richard is gone. So, yeah, good job with me, you got the total nerve-wracking execution effect.
Oh, and I can't help but notice the fact that the players who went before and after me number-wise (numbers 2 and 4) are gone. Now add to that the supposedly random order in which we're executed (I'm sure you simply made the order in which you'd like to see go – you really do hate me, don't you? lol). And THEN, the Mole bonus code for episode 3, has a large image above the numbers with "03" in RED. Could it be more obvious? I am so gone. :(

In terms of the Heist challenge, I haven't yet decided what I'm doing. I mean, I've done everything correctly so far because I figure that people don't think The Mole would sabotage everything, and prior to this challenge, I have done NOTHING to make money for the group, lol. Then again, as of this writing, we need Mitch to post his "RUN", and we then would need both Beth and Kyle to hack. Those three people have actually been very inactive recently (Beth most of the time, really, despite her presence at challenges), so I don't know if we're gonna be able to complete this without leaving someone behind. We'll find out in a few hours, I guess.

Okay, so I realize that in every single private confessional, I've done this lame thing in which I just post thoughts on how I feel about each player, but more about my feelings on their personalities rather than suspicions. I pondered the possibility of not doing that this week and finally giving you some of my theories. But I don't want to yet. I don't feel ready to, and if I do get executed, I guess I'll never be able to say them (but that would suck, because I really do have a lot to say, lol). I'm just paranoid about how early it still is, and I do think that if I survive this one and two more people go, everything should be clearer, and I promise I'll then tell you the things I've been thinking from the very beginning. If I get executed, though, then maybe it just means all the theories are wrong, anyway, lol. As I said in my two prior private confessionals, and as I will repeat now, we are STILL in a stage in which it's a matter of luck. If I get executed, I'll be crushed because of all the time and thought I've put into this, but I'll still be aware that my execution isn't a sign of me being bad at the game of The Mole. I just wasn't lucky. That's exactly what happened to Brandon and Richard. Once at the final 8, if I get executed from that point forward, then I can say "hey, The Mole got me, so I deserved to leave." Nervous as it makes me, I think the idea of the double executions has been a good one, and I think that weeding it down to 8 people and then starting the single eliminations is a good idea. It may have just been too grueling to, you know, go from 10 to 9 to 8 and have to do challenges in all those rounds, etc. Too much. So, this is a good thing; I just hope I'll be here for it.

Thoughts this week:

Player #1 (Mitch) – He's been like a ghost for the last week. I still find it strange that he just went offline at the very start of the live challenge. You haven't said anything yet, but I'm actually wondering whether or not he's getting a -1 on the challenge? I mean, he SHOWED UP, but he left in like two seconds. You did seem weirded out and asked "Did Player 1 just log off?" Of course, that could've just been planned by the host and The Mole. :) But it'd be so lame. What, you think it's okay to have The Mole pretend to disappear simply because all the other players were present at the challenge? A ploy to have all the chaos and suspicion fall on the other players? I don't know, I think it's lame. As I said last week in reference to Elise, The Mole really should be present and in the line of fire. Otherwise it's not fair. And I realize The Mole doesn't need to play fair in that regard necessarily, but I think they should. People would be far more impressed with a Mole who was active and remained relatively undetected, than with one who his most of the time.

Player #5 (Ginger) – She's still confusing as ever. I change my mind about her every day. Here's what's interesting, though. She made this post with evidence pointing at Mitch as being The Mole. I actually noticed it, too. I was on the message board (as a guest, not logged on yet) and I saw that only Elise and Mitch needed to run and that Elise posted "RUN" and Mitch just went offline. I noticed it. And I thought it was weird. And he's been awfully slow about posting his run, and we definitely may need to leave him behind. But I don't really know if Ginger REALLY thinks that Mitch is The Mole because, seriously, why would she make that public to everyone? The only thing that has been fairly obvious about Ginger is that she has some sort of agreement with Brian, and they're each trying to make other people think the other is The Mole. That couldn't be more irritatingly obvious.

Player #6 (Breaux) – O HAI, so like, you are logged on the message board WAY too frequently and to gmail WAY too rarely, wtf? I've made statements like these in regards to both Elise and Mitch now, and I'll say it again. If he's The Mole, he's just hiding, and I'm not a fan of that in the least bit. Yes, his HUGE activity on the message board (seems he has the most posts, even) would lead you to believe he's an active player, but I do NOT see him on gmail, and a CRUCIAL part of this game are the conversations. The other day I managed to catch him online and talked to him, only to have him say (fairly quickly) that he had to leave. If he's The Mole and he's scared of talking to people, that is extremely lame, and he doesn't deserve any credit for it. Also, if he's just a player, I can't imagine it's helping much that he doesn't talk to people. Is he simply basing his suspicions off the challenges, or what? By the way, during the live challenge, you seemed impressed that he had figured out your last name, but actually (not to toot my own horn or anything), but I knew it from the very first live challenge (since it appeared in the links to the sound files). Of course, your being impressed with him knowing that and your awkward conversation with him in the chatroom may of course just be something you two planned to make it look like he's not The Mole. :)

Player #7 (Blaise) – It doesn't look like he's in many people's radars, but he's still in mine. I actually haven't heard much from him ever since we worked together on the dinosaurs challenge, and apparently, Breaux, he and I are the only ones who've done consistently well at posting our runs for this long-term challenge. I still didn't understand why people picked him first to get a picture for the live challenge. All he had done was gone on a school trip to DC. I spent a semester there, and I said I had… but maybe that means people don't trust me to pull through on a challenge, lol.

Player #9 (Elise) – She's driving me crazy. By that, I don't mean she's annoying or irritating, she's actually probably the most rational person left here and the one I can relate to the most on a personal level. She's way more mature than a lot of the people here. But okay, let's see - I ask her for her bio, and she says she'd rather not share it at this point. You then make a post on the message board saying that we have nothing to gain from withholding bio information, which couldn't be a truer statement, and anyone who doesn't realize it is totally ignorant about how this game works. So she then sort of comes with a sigh and says "Fine, now that the host said that, I guess I'll share it." The other thing… if you read the thoughts I wrote on her in my last confessional, I addressed the fact that she had been around so little, and at the end of my paragraph on her, I even addressed her directly, saying that if she was The Mole, she's just hiding and that's lame. I also selected her as The Mole on the last quiz. All of a sudden, this week she's active… and here's what she says:

Elise: everyone's the same
if anything, i'm in the deep end because honestly, i should've been eliminated last round i like brandon so much and i was so busy last week that i didn't do much for this at all
he should definitely be here instead of me
i wish there was a way to change it, because i didn't really start trying to win until now, because the first round was sort of take it or leave it, and the second round, i didn't have time to do much
so if anything, i have to play catch up MUCH more than you do now you have me all freaked out about it, thanks jill lol
me: Pssh, there's no way you should say you should've left over Brandon! I'm sure you simply did a better job on the quiz than him, and that's awesome.
Elise: well i guess that's true, but it just doesn't seem fair i guess, i shouldn't complain really, but idk, i'm just upset about it all and myself i guess
me: Elise, you need to stop, k? :) You've been awesome, especially compared to some people who just don't interact in the least bit with other players.
Elise: thanks, jill
and it's not all about the game, either, but it's probably better i don't get into that

Okay, you can ignore the things I said (which I trust you'll recognize as being artificial and corny, anyway), and you can focus on what she said. It's almost like she's trying to justify herself for her absence ("hey, I'm NOT a bad Mole, and I'm not hiding, I'm here, damn it"). Just a few moments ago, I was chatting with Elise and APPARENTLY I said something offensive and she went offline. Still don't know what to make of it. I really do still like Elise a lot, though, much more than many of the other players. In fact, and this might signal my doom, but for some reason, I REALLY want to trust her, and she'd be the first that I'd want to form a coalition with, Mole or not. She's just actually normal and easy to talk to, as opposed to all these other yahoos. I guess she's probably just moody, which is okay, because I am, too, heh.

Player #10 (Brian) - Yeah, right about now might be the time to STOP loving Brian, and I should've predicted this would happen. I mean, I've gotten the impression for a while that his supposedly poor typing skills are a mere act, but they're an annoyance as well. I was also hoping the slight tiff between him and Elise at the live challenge would develop into a juicy argument (come on, give us some drama), but he seemed hesitant to even want to get into it, and mostly deflected it, which is interesting. And again, the coalition with Ginger is SO obvious (annoyingly so). As I write this, though, Elise and I are having a little fun with Brian in a group chat, lol.

Player #11 (Kyle) – The kid becomes inactive for several days. On two occasions he missed picking a team for himself and becomes the default selection. And then he comes along and opens up a can of worms with the blog post he made about him using a picture to check how many marks he got on each person while taking the quiz. Conveniently enough, that blog post has now been pushed down due to his posting two completely unnecessary posts about the live challenge and also due to the distraction of the ghastly picture he's posted of himself. All of a sudden, he's also found it necessary to tells us his last name, Miller, which also happens to be the last name of one of the people who created one of the games we're playing for the long-term challenge and the Mole Arcade (Danny Miller, I think it is). But anyway, let's get to the infamous blog post. So, Kyle gets a -2 for apparently logging on to gmail during the quiz period. It should be noted, first of all, that a few hours prior to the quiz, Kyle and I chatted and he even mentioned "Well, I can't talk to you after midnight" and then he was like "Don't forget, you can't sign on after midnight". So, why he made this mistake when he was so adamant about stating that it is against the rules is beyond me. The thing that strikes my curiosity the most, though, is… if Kyle were The Mole and he had, for whatever reason, logged into his gmail account during the quiz period, why would you, Travis, tell us that it happened? Why would we be informed that the player who is actually The Mole got a -2, when all that CAN do is make us suspicious of why he stayed? My ONLY possible answer to this is that perhaps there is some way you can monitor if someone's been online, and so you guys were scared one of us would somehow find that out, so you felt obligated to go ahead and say he had a -2. Then, as The Mole, panicking that people will get suspicious, he made this ridiculous post about this image he made with everyone's names to ensure he scored a decent amount of points on each of them, which he SAYS he scored about 2 or 3 points on each person, but that would actually be 0 or 1 point on each person (due to his -2). He told me earlier in a chat that supposedly I was the one he scored highest on. Pssh. Not sure if I believe it. Of course, one of the main things I immediately noticed was that he included HIMSELF in his image. If he was using that to see how many points he scored on each person, why did he need to do that? Of course, he then told me that he did it to help other people in case they wanted to use it. Liar. Mole or not, you're a liar. Of course, his conclusive statement was that he scored super low on Mitch, meaning Mitch must not be The Mole. So, this leads me to think that if he isn't The Mole, he is a player who actually thinks Mitch is The Mole and wants us to think otherwise. So, my BIGGEST hope is that he's wrong and gets executed. We'll see. What really does suck is that if he got a -2 and he went mostly after one person and was right, then he might have a good idea of who it is. It's so ironic how point penalties are supposed to be a punishment for breaking the rules, yet this may have actually been something that helped Kyle a lot. "Hey, I got a -2, and I'm still here, so I must be right about who I'm putting on the quiz" Ugh. It just wouldn't be fair. Again, if he's a player, I just really hope he's wrong and goes soon. Maybe he'll get a -3 this time.

Player #12 (Paul) – You'll recall that, last week, I spoke somewhat negatively, but said that I still liked him as a person. Well, that's not the case anymore. I actually REALLY hope that Paul is The Mole, because if he is a player and his complaints about people in challenges are real, then you have no idea how furious I am at him. He's hardly WON any actual money, and he insists on accusing people (the WORST of these accusations are always in his blog posts, and reading them is severely annoying). Something else that happens that bugged me even more was in the chatroom after the live challenge was over. The horrible typer Brian said "cum" instead of "come" and some of us joked about it, and he sighed, as though his humor is more sophisticated than us and he's so mature that he would never find something like that funny. To tell you the truth, I don't usually find crass stuff and silliness funny, but sometimes it can be effective, especially if you live your life mostly worrying yourself with things that are too complex. And his constant desire to making it seem like the group is working together poorly and he's a frustrated leader, which he reiterated at the end of the challenge, and he made a post agreeing with Breaux on that (saying "I concur with all my might") pissed me off like you don't even know. It REALLY did. During the challenge he even said he was gonna make a thread to organize our information. He then eventually said he would no longer bother with the thread. How convenient. I'll tell you that one of the theories I have does concern him, and it has to do with something that happened during the very first week. It's the one thing I've been dying to mention in a confessional, but I don't want to yet, though I will in the next one, assuming I'm still here, lol. If he IS The Mole, then he's likely fooling a lot of people with his strategy, so he really should keep doing it, but if he's not, then oh gosh, he better get executed soon, because it's just intolerable. Haha, you must be thinking "Jeez, she doesn't like anyone anymore". Well, I guess that's what happens when you start getting deeper into the game. People get annoying. When I lived in dorms at college, I always thought everyone was so nice and awesome in September and come Halloween, I'd be like "Okay, some of these people are just… well, not my cup of tea." So, I guess it happens in a lot of situations.

Player #14 (Beth) – Believe it or not, for the third time in a row, there's absolutely NOTHING to report here. I have to tell you, I do NOT think that merely showing up to the live challenges and posting what you need to for the long-term challenges is enough to be considered an active player. You need to actually BE around to talk to people, at least every two days or something. If she's The Mole, she's absolutely worthless, and I'll feel like I've wasted my time in this game.

Two executions this week. No sign of an exemption so far. I've been wondering if maybe if you leave someone behind in the long-term challenge you get an exemption for that, since often exemptions are given to people who do something to take money out of the pot. I haven't decided to leave anyone behind yet, though, and I suppose I may regret it. The three people we need to rely on to post in the next few hours are Beth, Mitch and Kyle… yeah, good luck with that, lol. So, we actually MAY need to leave someone behind. I guess we'll see what happens tonight. The nerves haven't set in yet, but I'm sure I'll have them all day tomorrow during the day and at night. Once again, I'm just hoping someone else (heh, two people, rather) is more clueless than I am or thinks that I am The Mole. That's another frustrating thing here. I have an idea that Brandon thought it was me, but I really don't know who, if anyone else here, suspects me. Let's see if I can get through yet another one unscathed. :)