Episode 6 Private Confessional

Before I get into any other topics, there's a discrepancy that needs to be addressed that came out of the last quiz. Apparently, Paul has lied about his bio information. The bio he sent me indicates that his favorite color is blue, yet "blue" was not one of the alternatives for that question (sure, "baby blue" was an option, but that applied to Ginger). Conveniently, the other day on IM Paul was talking to me about how he was fearful that The Mole would lie on his/her bio to get people to screw up on the quiz, which I promptly corrected him that that would NOT be an acceptable thing within the standards of this game because if someone is intelligent enough to approach The Mole and get their information, they should get the correct information. I mean, honestly, ALL players should give out their correct information because there is NO gain in lying about it. If I find out that Paul is The Mole and the whole purpose of this was "Oooooh! Well, he said "blue" on his bio, but of course the correct answer is "red" since The Mole's favorite color HAS to be red because The Mole LOVES executing people, so we did this as a clue!" … that would positively be the lamest thing ever. I've no doubt that the clues you've come up with are far more intricate, and that you wouldn't actually come up with something as inane as that. See, I stated that the whole thing with Elise refusing to give out her bio was probably unethical, BUT ever since I realized that it could've very well been staged to make her seem like a player in refusing her bio AND add to that the fact that she later came forward and said "okay, I guess I'll share now," THAT makes it acceptable if she were The Mole, but Paul being dishonest about his information isn't acceptable, Mole or not, but ESPECIALLY if he actually is The Mole. And if you want to corroborate this, Paul sent me his information via a private message on the message board, so just login as me on the message board and go to my private messages and click on the one he sent me, titled "35 ickle answers" and look at his answer to question 21.

Wow. Okay, a few weeks ago, people were acting all shocked that Kyle was executed, and they stood in awe at how much of a "threat" he was. I never agreed with that. The guy was hardly online after round 1, he was obviously lazy, and he freakin got penalized three times in a row. ALL signs of a lack of interest in your self-preservation. But Ginger? Wow. I thought she was going to make it impossible for me to win this game. I thought that even if she wasn't sure who The Mole was, she'd figure it out eventually. I DEFINITELY thought that Mitch's execution would've helped her out a lot, since they were strategically tied, but it obviously didn't. With that being said, despite Ginger's departure, winning this game will still be an uphill battle because these people are all going to be very tough to beat. You've got Blaise, who I'm supposed to have a coalition with, but he's become totally unresponsive in the last few days, probably due to the fact that he believes that he has information that I'm not aware of and he wants to see if he can win this game on his own. Sad thing is, I may not be able to stop him. You've got Breaux who plays the class clown, but is obviously clever as heck under all the lulziness. You've got Brian whose ghastly typing skills (whether they're fake or not) still don't hide the fact that he's obviously intelligent… and quick. You've got Elise, who I recognized to be sharp from the second I met her, despite her bouts of inactivity (which were really limited to round 2, a round that lasted only a weekend, anyway). And finally you've got Paul, who annoys people with the jabs he takes at the group for poor performances in challenges, but if you analyze the details he brings up within those jabs, you notice that he's observant as heck. So, I'm definitely screwed with these people I'm up against.

Okay, I did TRY to sabotage the challenge and I TRIED to do so in a way that was actually suspicious rather than blatantly looking like a player purposely sabotaging, like Mitch, but I may have failed. I think I was too obvious. Maybe I was too hard on Mitch. Maybe it's not as easy to genuinely look like The Mole as I thought. I mean, jeez, if I can get at least ONE of them to think it could be me, it would definitely be helpful. As for the gambling challenge, there was no way to ensure that I sabotaged it since I obviously didn't know what the outcome would be in each case, but I guess I ended up not winning any money for it, so perhaps that's good. I think that people REFRAIN from going to the person they suspect and telling them "k, so I think it could be you," so if anyone did suspect me, I probably would have no way of knowing it, anyway. I don't know if I'll have a creative spurt in the next few hours and suddenly decide to do the avatars, but at this point I probably won't make them, only because I'm really not a creative person in the least bit, and I feel like whatever I come up with is gonna pale so much in terms of wit against whatever, say, Breaux comes up with. If I were to make them, they're all gonna look at them, and be like: "Well, THAT'S lame."

I actually don't have much to say about Brian and Paul this week because I haven't talked to either of them very much. Brian has started to play up the whole thing of being the kid who can't be on the computer much, by making a blatant statement on his latest blog post about how he's "on the family computer," and both times I've spoken to him this round, he claims he has to get off because his mom needs to get on (so now he's switched from saying he's gonna "go eat sumthin" which used to be his excuse). Then I brought up his screwing up the Heist challenge by posting a camera out of order, but I mockingly said that he probably enjoyed playing Boomshine, and he responded that his mom is obsessed with that game. Seriously, can he come up with more varied excuses? Paul has said that he's got something big going on in real life, thus causing his recent inactivity. It's very interesting, though, how we all voted that we wanted Wednesday for the challenge, and all of a sudden something came up for you, and the new poll was a choice between Thursday and Monday (and duh, of course, they're gonna pick Thursday, who's gonna want to wait so long?), so then the challenge gets changed to Thursday so that Paul can make it. Pssh.

There's information that has come to my attention this week, courtesy of Elise… information that could be absolutely crucial. Now, I've drawn a conclusion from this information, but I don't want to say what the conclusion is and I don't want to explain my reasoning for reaching said conclusion because… well, I want to see if I survive. If I get executed, then clearly what I'm thinking is wrong and I've been totally fooled, so there'd be no use in talking about the conclusion I've reached, but if I STAY, then I will definitely feel more confident in the deduction I've made, and I PROMISE a detailed explanation in my next private confessional (and you know you love my long, detailed rants, haha… well, you probably don't, but if I do stay, I'll still give it to you, anyway). But the thing I wanted to point out is this: I haven't given this information to Blaise, even though I formed a coalition with him. I feel like a bitch for it, but there are reasons why I've chosen to do this. First of all, I think it would just HURT me to have others know what I know (or what I think I know). If I have crucial information and don't really need anyone to confirm it for me or anything, why would I reveal it to anyone else? And secondly, I actually have a VERY strong suspicion that Blaise is keeping things from me as well. I just hope that the things he's keeping from me are wrong. If they are, then it's probably best that he keeps them from me, anyway, because hearing them would probably just confuse me and steer me in an incorrect direction.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating: it's crazy to think about how amazing a performance Breaux is giving if he is The Mole. I feel more strongly about this opinion every day. The guy entertains me so much in our chats and he REALLY makes me wanna trust him. I haven't exactly revealed MUCH to him, because I'm not gonna totally let my guard down, but he's so easy to talk to, which is exactly what a good Mole should be. It's because of this that I felt so bad about revealing to you that he told me he signed on to gmail during the blackout period. It's just… ANYTHING that can help me at this point, I HAVE to take it, and there's no question that a penalty against Breaux, if it were assessed, and if he's not The Mole, could very well help me. Nothing's been said of that, though, so I don't know what'll happen.

You have no idea how much I appreciate Elise right now. When this game began, excited as I was about playing because of how much I love the psychological dynamics of this game, I was actually feeling somewhat depressed because most of the people just seemed so bland and… well, bot-like (Elise knows what I'm talking about here, lol). Suddenly, I met Elise and I could tell right there that I had someone I'd be able to relate to a heck of a lot. I just didn't know IF it was gonna happen, because maybe one of us would get executed early, or we'd simply drift apart. But it hasn't happened, and now we're freaking awesome friends. You see, short as his stay was, I appreciated Brandon because, okay, we're supposed to stay within the constraints of our aliases and not reveal anything about our true identities, but that doesn't MEAN we can't have conversations about non-game things. Brandon talked to me about simple stuff, like the fact that he was having trouble registering for a class, and he talked to me about the music he was currently listening to. Insignificant as that seems, I appreciate that, and the same is currently happening with Elise, with whom I had a very interesting and enlightening conversation about the abysmal Elisabeth Hasselbeck and her ultra-conservative views. And it was ELISE who brought up the subject, so it wasn't like I had to encourage it or anything. She helps me keep my sanity in this game, and I love our side conversations during the challenges when we make fun of everyone, haha. It really sucked that she couldn't make it to this last one because we would've had a riot. No matter what the outcome of this game, I at least know I've made a friend, and that's definitely worth a lot.

This time I'm actually pretty positive that I'm getting executed. It's not because I think I'm completely clueless, but rather because I think that everyone else has TOO MUCH of a clue and that they're all onto The Mole, so I'm going to be eliminated because I got one less question right than everyone else, or maybe even because I have the lowest amount of cumulative points (which I'll call "cum points" in honor of Brian, lol). I guess that leaving now wouldn't be the worst placement ever and I wouldn't really have anything to be embarrassed about; I'd just hope the weeks go by fast for the finale to come, because if I go and can't have anything to do with the game for so many days, the suspense is probably gonna kill me, haha. It's also really going to suck not being able to chat with Elise for so many days. But if it does happen, I want to thank you for running such a fun and well-organized game. It's been really difficult. I thought that after so many years that I've had of thinking about this game since I first saw the show, I'd have every possible intricacy down and that it wouldn't be so tough to figure things out. So thanks a lot for providing me with something so challenging, and I'll be looking forward to the reunion!